How to Support Foster Youth During the Holidays

Tips for Supporting Foster Kids During Holiday Seasons

Many people feel holiday cheer from Thanksgiving through New Year's. They look forward to Christmas trees, hot chocolate, and leisurely hours playing board games or enjoying family connections.

Those who have experienced trauma, loss, or loneliness feel the darker side of holidays. Their feelings of despair and depression can be quite tangible. Seemingly little things can bring back painful memories. This could be the sight of children ice skating or the hype over a new Christmas movie.

Children in foster care are often among those who have conflicting, complex feelings during the holidays. Many feel a deeper sense of abandonment or grieve more intensely the loss of their biological families.

Among foster parents' most basic requirements is to support their foster children and families. Parenting needs during holidays go beyond spending time with your kids. To protect their mental health and well-being, you can do many things to understand and support the foster child in your care.

Holidays can be difficult times for kids in the United States foster care system. Here are tips for acting in the best interests of your child during the holidays.

Understand and Include Your Foster Child's Unique Needs

Holidays for many kids come with family traditions. Depending on if and how they have celebrated in the past, every foster child's holiday experience will be unique. Each child has beliefs, traditions, and activities around the holiday season.

If your child is from a Christian family, Christmas Eve or Easter Sunday may have included time in a church service or program. However, children in foster care may spend these holidays with a foster family that has different beliefs or traditions. For example, you may not celebrate a Christian Christmas, and maybe Easter is all about an Easter egg hunt.

To learn more about what your foster child may need to navigate the holidays, start by talking with them. Ask how they celebrate the holidays and their favorite activities, meals, or traditions. Learn what is important to them and share your own traditions.

You can make your foster child feel welcome by including their holiday traditions in your celebration. You can also make them a central participant in yours. Consider ways you can start brand new traditions that are equal parts of the new foster family unit, too.

Create a Supportive Holiday Environment

Most foster children have experienced trauma. Those who know child abuse or neglect may associate the holidays with memories that make them feel sad or anxious. Not all foster children and teens feel comfortable celebrating during the holidays. Be patient and empathetic, making sure not to push them into events or activities that make them anxious.

If your foster child struggles during the holidays, start by asking how they could feel better. They may not know the answer themselves. Be prepared to make suggestions if it helps your child consider options. Consider your foster child's age when suggesting kid-friendly ideas, and remain flexible.

Honor their past happy family traditions whenever possible. Trying new activities can be fun for your family to learn about your foster child's culture and background. Your cultural competence as a foster parent is vital for your child's success while in the foster care program.

Plan ahead and talk to your foster child before the holiday season arrives. They will know that you have their support in mind and will understand what to expect as part of your family traditions.

Your child may have an easier time knowing who they will spend time with, where, and doing what activities. It helps you start a conversation to know their thoughts on your plans and if they have similar or different experiences.

New situations can be overwhelming to a foster child. Creating a supporting environment means safeguarding their emotional well-being. Approach the holidays slowly and with patience. If your foster child is happy to join in or needs a quiet place, make sure your holiday plans support them.

Create New Traditions and Memories

Use your support network to find success stories from other foster parents. Ask for ways other foster families have created new memories or built new holiday traditions with their foster children.

Fun rituals and traditions provide a framework to experience the holidays in an exciting new way. Foster children may feel a greater sense of belonging when their foster family creates a new tradition. Some kids may feel excluded or awkward when they try to participate in existing traditions. Creating new 'firsts' can be a wonderful way to bond with your foster child.

You don't have to look far for new ideas in the current social media environment. See what new ideas and activities friends, family, or influencers have posted on Instagram or Pinterest. Look up family-friendly activities on various sites or family blogs. Traditions are often simple and cost-effective, so don't feel you need to spend money or hatch an elaborate plan.

A fun and easy way to spend time and connect is to choose a popular, fun holiday movie to watch together. Perhaps your foster child can suggest a favorite movie they'd love to share with you. This new tradition and great family bonding activity could become the way to kick off the holiday every year.

Manage Emotions and Challenging Behaviors During the Holidays

Foster children who are struggling during the holiday season may show high emotions. Sometimes, emotions come with difficult behaviors that are hard to understand. First, take a deep breath and be patient and empathetic to your child's feelings.

Foster kids may behave on a spectrum, from withdrawing from the family to acting out. Some foster kids haven't experienced or been central to family celebrations. They may not have a base of experience to understand how to behave in a loving, stable family.

Understand as much as you can about your foster child's history before and since entering foster care. They may not have been in foster home care before joining yours. Some states have more placement options than others.

Teens and sibling groups are particularly hard to place in homes. These foster youth may not have spent past holidays in a family environment at all. Call on your therapeutic foster parent training to remain patient and calm. Help your child get comfortable by adjusting at their own pace.

Remember to offer options when possible. For instance, if your foster child isn't comfortable around strangers, family get-togethers could be stressful. Be open to changing holiday plans rather than trying to change your foster child.

Get Needed Support When You Need It

Foster parents are always part of a care team, including your agency caseworker and often biological parents. Reach out to your network for help as needed.

Once you've asked your foster child about past celebrations or traditions, take it another step. Ask birth parents what activities have been family favorites. Don't hesitate to ask for their advice or learn more from them about important family traditions or cultural customs.

Each foster child's family situation is unique, so think about what's appropriate. Help your foster child make a card or give a gift to their birth parents or family members if you can. Acknowledging their birth family will let your child know you are here to support them. It may also resolve conflicting feelings they have during their separation.

FAQs

Foster parents frequently ask questions (FAQs) about how to best support foster kids during the holidays.

Q: How can I best prepare my foster child and family for the upcoming holidays?

A: Plan ahead and talk to them in advance about what to expect. Introduce your foster child to family members before holiday gatherings if you can. Consider Zoom or another digital meet-and-greet if you live far away.

Start a conversation about your family's traditions and customs. Encourage your child to tell you about theirs and any favorite activities.

Q: What are common challenges foster kids struggle with during the holidays?

A. How foster children experience holidays depends on their age, experience, and history in foster care. Sometimes, foster kids feel a sense of loss or have conflicting feelings during the holiday season.

They may have traumatic memories of the past or have a hard time enjoying themselves as they wonder what their birth parents are doing. Some kids who feel strong emotions may not know how to process them except through anger or acting out.

Q: How can I support the emotional health and well-being of my foster child for holidays?

A: The best thing you can do is create a calm, supportive environment. Keep it comfortable and flexible. Look for ways to create new traditions together. Help your foster child go at their pace rather than forcing activities, new people, or celebrations.

Q: What kinds of holiday activities are most appropriate for foster kids?

A: There are unlimited possibilities for kid-appropriate, family-friendly activities. Some of the best holiday activities might not be holiday-specific at all. Consider having a game night, doing puzzles, or cooking your favorite foods together.

Q: How can I find resources for foster youth or myself during the holidays?

A: Remember to lean on your care team or support network if you need help during the holidays. When you're part of the foster community, you're never alone. Your agency representative is a continual source of ideas and support.

Reach out to your support group of foster parents. They have often walked this path before you and have lived experiences to share. Also, don't discount your foster child's biological parents, who may be a wonderful source for insights and ideas.

Be Proactive to Support Foster Youth During the Holiday Season

By following these tips and suggestions, creating a festive holiday season can be easier than you imagine. Start early and keep the lines of communication open with your foster child and family. Be patient and flexible as you discover what your foster child looks forward to or what creates stress.

Make your foster child's needs the priority, and make adjustments as needed. Look for ways to celebrate and make new traditions together!

If you aren't yet a foster parent and want to learn more, take a moment to read about your state's approval requirements. You can find many different foster parenting topics online and in our blog. For personal questions, your local child-placing agency has answers. If you're ready to move forward, your agency partner will take you through every step of becoming a foster parent.