Foster Care 101: Birth Parents and Foster Parents
While it may appear that the number of children in foster care has decreased, the reality is more complex. Nearly 400,000 youth are in foster care, and there is a critical shortage of foster families across the United States. The need for foster parents, particularly for teens and sibling groups, remains alarmingly high.
Child protection agencies separate children and families for safety reasons. Every foster child needs a caring home to support them through difficult and uncertain situations.
Teens often grapple with high school pressures and the need to graduate. They are the most likely kids to end up in long-term group homes rather than foster homes. Graduation is a crucial milestone for these youths as they transition to independent adulthood.
Many children enter the foster care system with their siblings. In the interest of each child, it's best if they stay in foster care together. The preference is always for kinship care with family members. If relatives can't host, child welfare agencies may need to find other foster options that split up siblings.
If you're considering becoming a foster parent and want to make a meaningful difference, we're here to help. Fostering provides these children with a stable, nurturing environment and vital emotional support. You may have questions about fostering terms or how to be an effective foster parent.
A key aspect of fostering is understanding how foster parents interact with birth parents. This guide delves into building supportive relationships between foster and birth parents. We hope it provides valuable insights for those on the fostering journey.
How to be a Parenting Partner with Your Foster Child's Biological Family
As a foster parent, you may want to consider co-parenting. Co-parenting is when foster parents care for a child with the foster child's birth parents or primary caregiver.
Co-parenting is not the same in every child's situation. You and your foster advocate will need to consider several things about the child in foster care.
One is why your child is in the foster care system. Another question is whether they emotionally connect with their birth family. Lastly, a key consideration is whether their case plan goal is to reunite with their biological family.
In cases where co-parenting makes sense, it has many benefits for your foster child and both sets of parents. Most experienced foster parents find it easier than they expected.
Think of the birth family as part of your foster support network. Let's review ways to connect with your foster child's biological family.
Communicate to Learn and Share
Asking good questions and sharing information with your child's birth parents helps you bond with your foster child. It also helps maintain their connection with members of their biological family. Starters may be what foods your child likes, what routines and hobbies they have, and if there are favorite loveys to keep nearby. The more you learn about the foster child in your care, the better you can support their well-being.
Be certain to discuss odd or difficult behaviors you experience. Share tips on strategies that worked for you and your child, or what you are still working on. Take time to learn through the birth parent's feedback or experience. You will become a better caregiver and parent for the education.
Your child's birth parent will probably be interested in knowing how they're succeeding in school. Share school updates, grades, and how your child is settling in. Share recent activities, projects, and plans.
Show photos to assure birth parents that you care and are providing for all of your child's needs. Consider showing photos of their bedroom, outdoor area, and children playing their favorite games.
Key communications also include planning visits with your child's birth family and preparing for scheduled court appearances, as well.
Ask for and Give Support
Being a foster parent is hard work that requires continual learning. In fact, "learning flexibility" is one of the best strategies to become a better parent.
Every child is different, so strategies that work for one child may not work for another. Modify your approach to parenting based on your experiences with each child. If one method doesn't work for discipline, try a different approach.
Remember, you have a resource not every parent has. If you find yourself with a challenge, ask your child's birth parents for help.
Your child's birth parents need your support, as well. You can lessen stress and discover effective ways to help the child by talking and collaborating. Recognize that while they have made mistakes, birth parents are taking steps to be better parents and reunite with their children. Keep top of mind your shared goals to do what is best for your child.
Keep the Relationship Professional
Having strong feelings about your foster child and their biological parents is normal. Experts advise both foster and biological parents to focus on building a professional, mutually beneficial partnership. Letting emotions run high can get in the way of co-parenting with the birth parents. As a foster parent, your primary role is to be the champion for your foster child.
Prevent disagreements by prioritizing your foster child's needs and well-being. Ensure that your feelings do not negatively influence your choices. If you need an objective opinion or an ear to vent, lean on your caseworker. They are here to support you, your foster child, and your child's family.
Above all, treat the birth parents with the dignity and respect you would want for yourself. Without a doubt, they are going through a difficult and emotional time. Many birth families under scrutiny by the Department of Health and Human Services are under stress. They may be feeling loss, guilt, and humiliation.
How can you help the birth family? Assure the birth parents that your priority is caring for your foster child and supporting their efforts to reunite. Most case plan goals are reunification. Reassure the birth family that you are not a replacement, but an advocate who will care for their foster child until they can reunite.
When that time comes, saying goodbye to your foster child ranks among the hardest parts of fostering. Many foster parents develop a quick attachment to their foster kids. When you first learn about becoming a foster parent, social workers will tell you that foster care is temporary. Foster statistics indicate that reuniting kids with their families is best for their future well-being.
Your care, even if for only a short time, can make a lifetime difference for your foster child.
Remember Birthdays and Holidays
Families often have rituals or traditions around special occasions like birthdays and holidays. It can be tough for kids in the child welfare system to lose connections with these and other important events. Foster children often feel unworthy, lonely, or abandoned when they are apart from their birth family.
Keep in touch with birth parents, your caseworker, and your foster child to stay connected during these special times. Consider visits, video chats, a gift or card exchange, or other ways to participate in family traditions or celebrations. When you're a parent, making memories is an ever-present opportunity.
Foster kids may have a religion that makes different holidays or milestones more meaningful. Learn about and respect your child's traditions, from going to church to participating in rituals in their home life. Learn about their religion and take an active interest in supporting what is important to them. Your recognition and support of what makes them unique will translate into feelings of acceptance and love.
Take Guidance from Your Social Worker
Working with birth parents requires communication with your social worker and foster child. Your social worker will help establish boundaries and set expectations. They guide communication practices and visit schedules. They can provide guidance on the rules and regulations governing foster care in your state.
They will also have experience to guide appropriate interaction with birth parents. Talk with them about appropriate interactions, from sharing pictures to having your child talk on the phone with their birth parents.
Keeping Foster and Biological Families Connected
The foster care system aims to help children until they can go back to their birth parents or biological family. Studies show that when foster children stay in touch with their birth family during foster care, it has a positive impact. They are able to navigate better the stress and trauma they face during their time in the system.
As a foster parent, you can create a support system that includes your foster child's biological family. You will benefit from their parenting experience and having a knowledgeable family member to ask for help. Your foster child will likely also be happier if they can stay connected and feel a part of their birth family. Foster kids can often visit their biological parents, which is also good for their emotional health.
Kids in the foster system may develop health conditions such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, or separation anxiety disorder. Many foster children experience some form of child abuse and neglect before entering care. Once in foster care, children may feel abandoned or scared. Having a caring, stable foster home and staying connected to their biological families can ease some of their stress.
Foster Care 101: Birth Parents and Foster Parents
Establishing a partnership and sharing parenting responsibilities may feel uncomfortable at first. However, it's often beneficial for the children, and that is your main priority as a foster parent.
Foster parents guide and advocate for their foster children and families. They play a vital role in providing stability and emotional support for kids in care. They also help foster kids and birth parents maintain a close connection during their separation.
If you are considering this rewarding journey and need additional information, explore these need-to-know fostering topics. Use our state-by-state guide to connect with a child-placing agency and talk to a social worker.
