8 Common Foster Parenting Challenges
Foster parenting is a powerful way to change a child's life for the better, though at times, it may feel like an uphill climb. Whether you're a first-time foster parent or you've been raising foster children for years, there are obstacles you can count on facing.
Every kind of parenting has its challenges. As a foster parent, remember you are never alone. In addition to a strong foster community, there are widely available tips and checklists for fostering challenges. As we talk to foster parents across the country, there are fostering frustrations that strike a common chord.
Among this list of the eight most common, are working through behavioral issues and saying goodbye after your child's time in foster care. There may always be challenges, but with a little help and just the right steps, they will seem smaller each time they arise.
1. Foster Care Licensing
The first most common challenge on our list starts at the beginning: getting your foster parent license. Foster parent rules differ by state, but all states require training and a Home Study.
Foster parents must be a minimum age of 18-21 years old, depending on the state, though some private agencies have higher thresholds. Single parents or adults in a partnership must have the time, energy, and good health it takes to care for children. Applicants must take the following actions to complete the foster care licensing process.
- Attend a foster parent orientation meeting.
- Finish pre-service foster training.
- Complete the Home Study.
- Clear a criminal background check, including fingerprinting.
- Participate in multiple face-to-face interviews with a foster social worker.
- Take a physical and show proof of good health.
- Verify stable and sufficient income to care for a child.
- Provide names of personal references.
The Home Study process is the most detailed and lengthy part of the process. It includes several parts, including family interviews, background checks for adults, home visits, safety inspections, and more.
For those new to fostering, this often seems overwhelming. The process takes time. However, it helps your foster or adoption agency find a child in foster care who best fits your family.
Training helps foster parents prepare for the process and challenges they may experience. You can also learn a lot by asking questions and reading about foster parent ins and outs on the FosterUSKids blog pages.
2. Future Planning
Every child is unique, and so is every situation involving children and families. Dynamics in flux are biological parents and the circumstances that led to their children living in foster care. The most common form of child abuse across the United States is child neglect. Many foster kids experience child abuse and neglect, substance abuse by a parent, or the loss of a parent.
As a result, foster children and their birth parents or primary caregivers often have physical and mental health needs. Foster parents may care for a foster child for a few days, months, or years. Other family members in the foster or adoptive home make each care situation fluid. In fact, a large number of families who set out to foster end up as adoptive families.
For these and many other reasons, each foster child has a unique journey.
54% of foster child case plans have a reunification goal to rejoin foster children with birth parents or primary caregivers. Reunification meetings and court procedures take place to determine the family's best solution, and these steps take time. Foster families frequently feel stuck in limbo as they wait for answers on timing and outcomes for their kids.
On the other side, foster situations sometimes abruptly change. Reunification may arrive quickly and unexpectedly, in which case foster parents must say goodbye. That common feeling of loss is its own topic in this article.
This uncertainty inherent in fostering kids makes it tough to plan for the future. Foster families never know how long their care for a foster child will last, which makes it tricky to plan fun activities or vacations. You might want to take your foster child on a trip and create new memories together. Then you worry, what if they leave your care sooner than expected?
Future planning is one of the biggest challenges for foster children and families. To deal with uncertainty, stay in touch with your foster team and keep communicating with your foster child.
3. Flexible Schedules
Foster parents often have full-time jobs. Whether employed or stay-at-home parents, every foster parent must have flexibility in their schedule. This is never more true than if you are a single foster parent. However, even if you have a partner in case, you will both need to flex and adjust to meet the needs of your foster child.
Foster parent responsibilities include taking foster kids to health care appointments and birth family visits. They include helping kids with homework and helping foster care workers by communicating status updates and challenges. You must support your child by doing paperwork and advocating on their behalf in court.
Regular appointments your foster child may need to attend range from doctor and dentist visits to therapy appointments. Children in the foster care system have all experienced some form of trauma. 20% of abused foster children experience symptoms of PTSD, well-documented in foster teens. Treatment may include psychotherapy, prescribed medications, or a combination of both.
In cases like PTSD, treatment requires frequent appointments. Foster parents whose kids need outside support need to prepare in advance and adjust their schedules as necessary. Parents regularly adjust plans to be a bigger part of their foster child's life in other ways: cheering at concerts, sports, and plays.
Changing parent needs may feel overwhelming sometimes. Experience foster parents emphasize the importance of setting a routine. Making a good schedule will ensure you have enough time for important tasks, unexpected events, and newly found needs.
4. Legal Guardians Permissions
A surprising fact: foster parents aren't legal guardians of their foster kids. Therefore, foster parents do not have the power to sign legal documents on behalf of their foster child.
This problem happens a lot, especially when completing medical forms at the doctor's office or permission slips for school. States work individually to normalize what signatures require a parent or guardian. Your foster child case manager will be able to help with these details. Often, you will have to reach your foster child's legal guardian or birth parent.
As you might expect, getting a signature or permission takes time, especially if the birth parent is hard to reach or slow to respond. These rules can put foster parents in a tough spot. They may restrict or prevent their foster child from attending appointments, traveling, playing sports, or participating in school activities.
It can be frustrating when foster parents have to change their schedules because of delays. Delays on the part of the birth parent can mean missing work, changing prior plans, or rescheduling hard-to-get appointments.
This is one issue foster parents can't always control. It always requires patience and thinking ahead, and sometimes all you can do is your best to stay flexible.
5. Restrictive Rules
Each state has its own set of rules and foster home requirements. These include a top foster parent challenge about travel restrictions. Foster kids may not be able to visit another state or stay overnight at a friend or family member's house.
Make sure you learn what you can and cannot do based on the rules and regulations. Because of state restrictions, family trips or visiting relatives can be difficult or impossible.
Many foster parents wonder, "Can I take my foster kid on our family vacation?" The answer may depend on your state's specific restrictions for foster families. Always check with your child-placing agency for guidance.
6. Behavioral Problems
Each foster child is experiencing one of the most difficult times in their life, on top of their unique set of family issues. All foster kids need patience, and some will need additional help.
Raising kids who have behavioral problems is one of the toughest tasks foster parents face. Children who exhibit behavioral problems may need professional therapy or counseling. Foster parents may need support in finding a different approach to discipline.
Remember, children in the foster care system are dealing with trauma, including from displacement. Foster and adopted children may exhibit signs of attachment disorders or PTSD. Others may have special behavioral needs, such as ADHD, aggressive or depressive behavior.
Foster parents receive training about trauma-informed approaches to care. To handle behavior problems, use your training and support resources to learn about trauma triggers and how to respond.
Supplement your training and professional resource training by studying more about trauma-informed care.
7. Co-Parenting with Birth Parents
Co-parenting between foster parents and birthday parents is more common than ever. This kind of co-parenting has pros and cons for foster parents.
Keeping birth parents involved is usually beneficial to foster children. Kids get to keep their family connection and often motivate birth parents who want to bring them home. One advantage of co-parenting for foster parents is sharing child-rearing responsibilities. Many also gain insights about their foster child and family dynamics that help them support their child.
Creating a timetable for visits and keeping them informed about appointments can make looking after a foster child easier.
Even so, some foster parents have mixed emotions about the idea of co-parenting. It may help to talk with experienced foster parents or your case manager to work through feelings and concerns. Ultimately, deciding what is best for your child is every parent's top priority.
8. Time for Goodbye
One of the hardest times for a foster parent is when their foster child leaves their home and returns to their birth home. This bittersweet goodbye brings mixed feelings of happiness and loss. The court approves reunification after the birth family or legal guardian fulfills the state's requirements. If the court finds that reunification is not best for your foster child, they may leave your foster home when adopted.
No matter the case, it's hard to say goodbye.
Some foster parents are able to keep in touch with their foster kids over the years, especially after fostering older kids. Other parents don't know what happens after their foster child leaves their home. Caring foster parents quickly bond with their foster kids. Letting go can be a heartfelt challenge.
While you'll learn about the grief of goodbye during foster parent training, dealing with it may be harder than you expect. As you learn to process grief, prioritize your mental health. Seek guidance from your foster network.
Many foster parents benefit from grief counseling to manage loss and sorrow. Some people benefit from professional therapy to stay emotionally and physically healthy. This can benefit whole foster families, including remaining and future foster kids.
Highlights of Common Foster Parent Challenges
Now that you understand the challenges of raising foster kids, you may be wondering how to make it easier. First, remember that a foster community surrounds you. Many foster parents and members of your support network can help.
Go to foster training, learn about parenting and the foster process, and join support groups for foster families. Parenting is challenging but also rewarding. With proper knowledge and a practiced mindset, you can overcome the hurdles to help foster kids in need.
Overcome the 8 Most Common Fostering Challenges
Just when you finally get your foster parent license, the next fostering challenge may await. You can overcome the eight most common fostering challenges with these tips and your solid support network.
To share your concerns, challenges, or other topics you'd like to see on FosterUSKids, send us a message. To start your fostering journey or learn more about fostering support resources, reach a local child-placing agency today.
