Top Traits and Qualities of a Good Foster Parent
What is the model of a perfect foster or adoptive parent? No such perfect parent exists. Yet our perfectly imperfect foster parents make life-changing impacts on the lives of foster children every day. In case you've ever wondered, "Am I good enough to become a foster parent?" the answer is probably yes.
Many people feel a calling or find life's purpose in caring for children in need. Other foster parents wanted to expand their families through foster care or adoption. Some were once a child in foster care themselves or grew up in an adoptive family. Still, others share a victim history of child abuse or neglect and want to help children and youth in foster care programs.
What common qualities or character traits led people from disparate backgrounds to become the good foster parents they are? The answer is multi-faceted, yet simpler than you may think.
Top 10 Traits of a Good Foster and Adoptive Parent
What exactly defines whether someone is a "good" foster parent? Strong parents create strong foster families for children in the foster care system.
If social workers could paint a picture of a good foster parent, it would capture ten top traits. The best foster parents:
1 - Show Empathy
Empathy implies the ability to understand and relate to the emotions of your foster child. Good foster parents show empathy to foster youth when they:
- Acknowledge their feelings: anger, sadness, fear, confusion, frustration.
- Express gratitude.
- Support them through vulnerable moments.
- Show interest in them as individuals.
- Seek to understand and meet children where they are.
2 - Listen
Good foster parents work to develop their listening and communication skills. By listening to the verbal and non-verbal cues of your foster child, you demonstrate your care for them.
Listening to your foster child will also help you learn about your child's interests, experiences, and desires. Paying attention will strengthen the bond between you and your foster child.
3 - Persevere
While not always easy, foster parents must stick it out when times are challenging. Parents learn that kids naturally push boundaries and test their parents' patience. Good foster parents persevere rather than give up on their foster kids.
Many foster kids come from homes without adults to count on. Some experience multiple foster homes where parents or other adults in the system gave up on them. Your foster child may be surprised to learn they can expect more from you. Let them know you'll support them without conditions.
4 - Flex and Adapt
As a foster parent, it's up to you to be flexible and adapt to meet your foster child's needs. Foster kids may find it hard to adjust to their new home, family, or lifestyle. They may struggle to hold onto their own sense of self while trying to fit into your world.
Foster and adopted kids who need supportive services may receive in-home or outpatient therapy of various types. One of your primary responsibilities as a foster parent is to meet your child's health care and education needs. You can expect to reorder your schedule and rely on your support network. Many foster parents count on family members, social services, or their child-placing agency representative for help.
5 - Use Humor to Maintain Patience
The old adage is true: patience is a virtue. Foster parents quickly realize the need for patience, and the good ones work on ways to strengthen it. Humor is a trait and a tactic that helps good foster parents re-center and remain calm.
Most foster children have experienced trauma before entering the foster care system. Individuals express their responses in various ways, including with challenging emotions or behaviors. At some point, you may feel yourself losing patience.
It can help to take a step back and find the humor in the moment. Even if you cannot call on it immediately, you and your foster child can often look back together and laugh. This strength helps you find the patience and perspective to navigate better in the future.
Humor can also help foster children cope. It may reinforce their feelings of safety with you.
6 - Show Consistency and Stability
Many foster children desperately need a stable, secure family life. The chaos of entering or changing homes in foster care is disruptive. Foster kids are also grieving the loss of birth parents or siblings. Many feel their world spinning out of control.
Structure and consistency are beneficial for children. Many kids in foster care haven't experienced healthy adult relationships or a stable home. In their young lives, they may have lived with child abuse, neglect, or domestic violence. Poverty or another lack of stability may have caused their families to move or even lose their homes.
7 - Guide to Discipline
Good foster and adoptive parents discipline through guidance and avoid physical punishment. Many foster children have experienced physical and emotional abuse. Foster parents must never use or threaten violence.
During the process of getting a foster license, foster parents receive training in trauma-informed care. Non-physical techniques include tactics such as reflection time and calm-down corners. Approaches to communicating through dialogue or gratitude journals can also be effective techniques.
8 - Practice Self-Care
Just as foster parents model healthy relationships, they are also role models for taking care of one's own needs. Your foster child absorbs and learns from every word you speak and action you take. This is true whether what you do and say is positive or negative, helpful or harmful.
Foster parents have significant responsibility. Taking time to care for your mental health and manage stress is a vital life skill for you and your foster child. Foster parents who show their emotions in a healthy, appropriate way teach foster kids that it's okay to have ups and downs. Families help support each other when we need it most.
9 - Collaborate with the Care Team
Foster parents are part of their foster child's care team. You, as a parent, along with care professionals, advocate for your foster child. Often, foster parents must collaborate with birth parents. If your foster child's goal is reunification with their birth family, you may be responsible for coordinating family visits.
Sometimes, a professional supervises family visitation. Maintaining relationships with their birth family is important, especially to ease your child's eventual return home.
Your child's care team includes their caseworker, social services department, and other support providers. These could include teachers, therapists, doctors, or CASA volunteers. You and all members collaborate in your foster child's best interest.
10 - Support a Sense of Personal Identity
Good foster parents recognize the unique backgrounds, cultures, and customs of different children. Nurturing a healthy sense of sense is a vital role of the foster parent. Learning cultural competence can help you support your foster child's ties to their culture, language, and religion.
Foster parents who model their personal sense of self can support their children to do the same. Children who develop a strong sense of self feel confident to advocate for their needs in developmentally appropriate ways.
Foster parents can guide foster and adopted children to make sound, moral decisions. Be open to learning from your child about meaningful aspects of their culture, customs, and rituals. Showing respect and support can also help you and your child create your own new family traditions together.
What Makes a Good Foster or Adoptive Parent?
Foster and adoptive parents come from different backgrounds, ethnicities, and walks of life across the United States. Every foster parent has reasons they choose to provide home care and other supportive services for children and families.
Among the greatest gifts of a foster parent is a stable home with healthy relationships. If you create a supportive, nurturing environment, your foster child will have the foundation to thrive.
Learn about state requirements to become a foster parent. Discover ways you can support a foster child today.
