Questions to Answer Before Becoming Foster Parents
If you and your spouse or partner are thinking about becoming a first-time foster parent, it's a decision that can transform your lives. You can help children in foster care by welcoming kids into your home. Sadly, the United States is experiencing a 2% annual decrease in the number of foster homes. The foster care system needs more foster or adoptive parents to provide nurturing home care for nearly 400,000 children in care.
Before committing to foster or adoptive parenting, have a thorough discussion about your lifestyle goals with all family members. Consider these top ten questions essential for couples who are thinking about caring for children. Ask and answer these questions before committing to your journey together and taking steps toward your first foster placement.
Q&A Top 10 for Couples Before They Become Foster Parents
Contacting a child-placing agency in your state is the first step when you and your spouse or partner want to become foster parents. Here are some important questions to ask and answer before you take steps to become a foster or adoptive family:
1. Do We Understand Fostering Responsibilities?
Foster parenting involves a realm of responsibilities, and they may not all be top of mind. Taking in a child in foster care may seem romantic, but the day-to-day reality will keep you grounded.
Give yourselves enough time to research how fostering will impact your life. A social worker at a foster care agency near you can guide you through every consideration. These include the Home Study process, background checks, and how to help your child feel safe.
Think about how you manage your life now. Do you easily manage everyday tasks like paying bills, doing chores, working, and taking care of your family? Are you sure you can handle more responsibilities that completely change your life for a child?
Do not worry that you're a bad parent if you don't both feel prepared for the responsibility of foster parenting. It doesn't mean that you need to abandon the idea of fostering or adoption. The timing in your life may simply not be right.
2. What Motivates Us to Want to Foster a Child?
Some people want to be foster or adoptive parents or feel a calling to help children in need. What are your motivations for fostering a child?
Do you have children of your own? Do you feel fostering is a faster path to adoption? Do you want to provide a child in need with a safe and loving home?
Adults choose to foster for a variety of reasons. These are some that should not drive your decision to become foster parents:
- Stipends or financial assistance from your state
- Boredom
- Curiosity
The best path forward starts with one simple question. Do your motivations center around nurturing your prospective child's physical and mental health and future well-being? If you cannot answer this with a strong 'yes,' fostering may not be right for you or a child in need.
3. Are We All Onboard?
This is a two-part consideration: Having the whole family onboard with fostering and also being on the same page with what that means.
To know if you and your partner, along with kids or family, have the same thoughts on fostering, write them down. Discuss your answers to compare your thoughts, beliefs, and knowledge about what foster care will mean for your life. Discuss your parenting style with your partner and learn how theirs is similar and different.
4. Are We Financially Stable?
In some states, foster parents may be eligible to receive a small payment to help cover the basic costs of raising a child. States may call these a stipend or another term that refers to financial support. Please note that financial assistance intends to offset out-of-pocket costs, not to cover them.
Make certain that you have a source of steady income and feel financially prepared to support foster youth. This will be among the requirements your state reviews during the process of becoming a foster parent.
5. How Will Parenting Change Our Relationship?
Parenting is an all-encompassing responsibility. Talk and agree on ways you can prioritize your relationship and your new family role.
Some couples set aside date nights or special vacation getaways. If you don't spend time this way now, it may be unrealistic to expect you'll start after becoming a foster family. Consider ways you can commit to spending time together as a couple and as a family taking care of your new child. Strengthening your relationship as a couple is vital when adding the shared responsibilities of parenting.
6. What Do We Expect as Foster Parents?
Are you interested in fostering to adopt? Do you only expect a foster child to stay in your home for a short period before accepting another child placement? Have you discussed the possibility that your hopes, plans, or expectations may change once you meet your first foster child?
Discover what preferences your family has about fostering. Are you open to fostering teenagers or sibling groups? Are there certain situations or circumstances that are beyond your comfort level?
Make a list of the challenges you anticipate and how you expect to manage them. Attending a free foster parent orientation can help you understand the considerations and challenges of becoming a foster family.
7. Do Our Parenting Styles and Preferences Sync?
Rarely discussed ahead of time, mismatched parenting styles can lead to conflicts when the time comes to welcome a foster child. If you're new to parenting, you may want to research and learn more about different parenting styles.
Committing to parenting together is only the first step. Consider the basic responsibilities of parenting and the specific responsibilities of foster parents. Talk through how you'll resolves parenting challenges together.
8. Do We Have a Support Network?
Support can take the form of financial, educational, and social resources. Foster advocates recommend and can help you build a foster support network. Consider what you may already have in place with regard to nearby family and childcare.
Do you live in a community with access to good schools, pediatricians, and other health professionals? Are you able to provide transportation for your prospective child? Do you live near friends, family, or other forms of backup care?
9. Is My Home Suitable For Children?
The foster parent approval process includes a home inspection during the Home Study process. This review ensures your current living space meets safety and space requirements for foster children in your state. Is there minor work you anticipate to pass a safety inspection? Are pets up to date on their vaccinations and are friendly with children?
While similar, there are different state requirements for space per foster child in your home. Take a moment to review your state's foster parent requirements to ensure you have the living space you'll need to become a foster parent.
10. Is Now the Right Time to Foster a Child?
If you and your partner still feel good about becoming foster parents, the last question to answer is timing. Is now the best time to become a foster family? Life's unexpected turns make it impossible to predict the future. Nevertheless, take the time to think about your lifestyle, goals, and responsibilities today and what you hope for tomorrow.
If the time is right, congratulations for taking on this significant new phase in your life.
How to Prepare for Your First Foster Care Placement
Now that you've made the decision to become a foster or adoptive family, you may have new questions or wonder where to start. Before making the move, learn everything you can about different types of foster care.
Once your agency matches you with a prospective foster child, ask questions that will help you support your child. Topics include your child's:
- Medical history and condition
- Family history and biological parents' circumstances
- Time spent in foster care and what kind of home
- Special needs or mental health support
- Personality characteristics and overall temperament
- Age group, gender, and sibling situation
- Hobbies, interests, favorite activities
Though the questions may be endless, this partial list will get you started! The more you learn about your new foster child and how best to support them, the more prepared you will feel as a new parent.
Get Ready. Get Set. Go When You're Ready!
Remember, your decision to foster or adopt a child can profoundly impact your life and theirs. Before taking this significant step, reflect on your family dynamic and lifestyle goals.
You'll be better prepared for the rewarding journey by answering these important questions thoughtfully. Your child-placing agency will help you take the next step. Many children are waiting and ready if and when you feel ready to care for them. You can make a brighter future for a child in need.
For additional information and tips for foster parents, search our fostering FAQs.
